


From the Desk of Edelgard von Hresvelg

by MxMearcstapa



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Confessional, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 07:24:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21267266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MxMearcstapa/pseuds/MxMearcstapa
Summary: A letter from Edelgard to her teacher near the end of the war--a letter she does not intend to send. For the reluctant Byleths of the world. Set before the final battle of Crimson Flower. Crimson Flower path and spoilers.





	From the Desk of Edelgard von Hresvelg

**Author's Note:**

> I had a hard time getting through Crimson Flower. I like Edelgard well enough, but her route was painful for me. I know many others struggled with it, but we wanted that sweet, sweet cutscene. This is a letter from Edelgard for all the Byleths out there who were with her only partially.

* * *

My teacher,

I hope that you never see this letter. I know the surest way to make that happen is to not write it, but I must get it out. I must put together all that I feel, even if the taste of it is bitter and heartwrenching. 

I will not mince words. 

You hate me, don't you, my teacher? You can't stand the sight of me. 

At first I wondered where your mind was. At very first, I wondered if you could be someone I could rely on. Someone I could trust. So many things it seemed were stacked against that idea: your mysterious appearance interrupting my plans, my slip-ups from eagerness as my views tripped past my tongue, my inability to truly confide in you, the Sword of the Creator, the Archbishop and Hubert both, the truth of who--of what--you really are. All these things stood between us, and still you chose me. I asked so much of you with so little explanation, and still you chose me. I betrayed everyone you knew and trusted and maybe even cared for, and still. Still you chose me. 

You have always chosen me, and it has meant more to me than I could ever tell you. The year we spent together with you as my teacher was something I did not know I needed, and now knowing, cannot live without. 

But I see the way you look during the war councils. I see the glazed look in your eyes, the way you stare past the maps, past the tables, past...me. I see how you stand in the courtyard between missions and stare at the sky as the clouds darken. I see you wander like a ghost down the hallways of Garreg Mach, just as you did when Jeralt died. When Jeralt was killed. When my allies killed him. 

I cannot tell you how I regret that, too. 

I see you, I see how you wish you were anywhere else, and the others see it, too. They look at me and they blame, and they are right to. After all, they followed you, not me, here. I knew this path would not be easy, and I thought you knew it, too. I know you did. I saw the fear, the doubt, the pain in your eyes that day in the Holy Tomb. I fought you, and you won. You always win, and that is one of many reasons <strike>why I wished</strike> <strike>why I wanted </strike> why I needed you by my side. I needed you to help me win, to help me change the world. I told you as best I could and I thought you understood, and that was why you chose me anyway. 

I am rambling. 

But what, I wonder, changed? Was it Jeralt? Was it invading the monastery? Was it the bloodied screams and defeated last words of your friends, your students, your former colleagues that pushed you to the edge? Or was it something that trickled from your subconscious while you slept five years? Waking up and realizing with sudden clarity that you had made a horrible mistake. 

Or worst of all, did you know always? Did you see who I was, what I wanted, and think you could stop it? I have long been on this path, and I will not stray from it. Every step I take ensures that I cannot step off it. Too much blood has been spilt. To even think of walking away makes every moment of my life until now meaningless. Every wound I took, every insult I suffered, every echoed regret of my loved ones, for nothing. 

It cannot all be for nothing. 

But...if I lose you along the way, what does my victory mean? If my greatest triumph is your greatest fear realized?

Why are you still here, my teacher? Why, if you so revile me, why do you stay? Why do you choose me still? 

Oh.

Oh no. 

Perhaps I was right when I said that you and I were much the same. Do you remember? In the monastery, before you chose a house to lead? I told you I thought we were the same. Are you here still because you can't walk away from your chosen path either? Does leaving me mean that every loss you suffered was for nothing? 

Do you believe in my future despite the steep cost?

Have you ever believed in me?

...and does it even matter? You are here. Perhaps that should be enough for me. Perhaps, instead of El, I need to be Emperor Edelgard von Hresvelg to you. Instead of a sad, needy girl, I must don my armor of war and continue as a dissatisfied woman. As a victorious emperor. 

I still need you, my teacher. We are approaching the end of this war, but it is not over yet. There is still Fhirdiad. There is still Dimitri. There is still that beast that masquerades as a beacon of goodness for humanity. If I must look the villain to expose the truth, I shall. 

I will do whatever it takes, and if you stand in my way, I will strike you down. 

Even if I do not wish to. 


End file.
